Grumplings

Made-to-Order Little Weirdos

A small creature with big feelings and absolutely no intention of processing them in a healthy way. Grumplings are palm-sized, hand-sculpted companions for your desk, shelf or wherever you need a little bastard supervising you. Each one is made individually, given eyeballs and released into society despite my better judgment.

SELECT YOUR PROBLEM

Choose a frog, axolotl, seal, devil, cat, unicorn or possum from the dropdown. Prices vary because some of these assholes are significantly more difficult to bring into existence.

CUSTOMIZE YOUR PROBLEM

Leave your preferred body color and one accent color in the checkout notes. Example: “Purple body, pink accents.”

I’ll handle coordinating eyes and smaller details. Exact shade matching isn’t guaranteed. “Green” I can do. “The green of my grandmother’s kitchen in 1987” requires evidence.

No colors specified?

Sculptor’s choice. You have voluntarily given the woman making tiny angry possums creative control.

EMOTIONAL SETTINGS

Grumpy comes standard. If you’d prefer a happy one, say so in your checkout notes. Some of us are apparently having a nice time and I’m willing to accommodate that. Expressions vary because I sculpt every face by hand. Your Grumpling will arrive with its own specific grievances.

WHAT’S IN THIS THING?

Polymer clay, handmade resin eyeballs and resin or polymer clay teeth where applicable. Each piece receives a protective finish. The attitude remains completely unsealed.

Grumplings are approximately palm-sized, with variations between creatures. There is no universal unit of axolotl.

Ears, horns, tails and other nonsense affect the overall dimensions.

Photos show examples. Yours will be its own little individual, with handmade variations in shape, expression and details. We do not have a cloning department. We have me.

GESTATION PERIOD

Please allow 1–2 weeks before shipping while I sculpt, finish and prepare your creature for its relocation. Delivery time is additional. They cannot drive.

PLEASE DO NOT TEST THEIR SURVIVAL INSTINCTS

These are decorative sculptures, not toys. Keep dry, handle gently and avoid pressure on delicate features. Dust with a soft, dry brush. Do not pick them up by the ears, horns or tail. They will file a complaint in several pieces.

CHECK YOUR ORDER BEFORE COMMITTING

No changes or cancellations on made-to-order purchases. Please confirm your creature and leave any color or expression choices before checkout.

Elaborate patterns, exact pet portraits and extra features aren’t included in this listing. “Can you also give him a motorcycle?” is a separate conversation.